but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
