A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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