she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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