Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
