I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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