he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
