do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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