The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The adults are the big ones right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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