I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
