So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
