It's Friday. Sex?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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