before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
