You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
