i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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