too bad you live with your parents still
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
