I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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