Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
