like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
