He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
