the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Randomize
