He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
