I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
