covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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