You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
