So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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