Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
