its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
