Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
