You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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