Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
