It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
