I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
