I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
love makes seman taste better
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
