Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
