My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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