i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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