I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
