i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
