she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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