He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
