So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
