For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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