At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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