we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I bet he comes in French.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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