I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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