You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
