I bet he comes in French.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
