Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
