DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
