Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
