is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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