we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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