I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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