So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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