I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
