she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
