All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
