he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He has the fingertips of a God
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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