i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
