he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
