I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
