turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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