Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
