shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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