i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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