You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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