yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
