How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's blow job season.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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